Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Explaining "my" needs to the wife

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of
men and women differ so much. And I never have figured
out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I never have
figured out why men think with their head and women
with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out
how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state
of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, and she
eventually said, "I don't feel like it, I just want you
to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!!"

So she said the words that I, and every husband on the
planet, dread. She explained that I must not be in
tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I was thinking,
"What was her first clue?" I finally realized that nothing
was going to happen that night, so I went to bed.
The very next day we went shopping at a big, unnamed department
store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive
outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so
I told her to take all three of them.
She then told me that she wanted matching shoes worth $200
each to which I said, "Okay."
Then we went to the Jewelry Department where she got a set
of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ... she was so excited.
She must have thought that I was one wave short of a
shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was
testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she
doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop
when I told her that it was okay. She was almost sexually
excited from all of this and you should have seen her face
when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey.
I don't feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank.
I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this
stuff for a while."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill
me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial
needs as a man."
I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during
the Spring thaw of 2006.

(UPDATE NOV. 30 4:54PM)
I guess I need to let you know that I copied a joke, since I didn't feel like writing anything last night. My homelife is quite pleasant. Thank you for your concern, though.

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