Monday, April 18, 2005

Finally, the Dems are making a move on high gas prices

(2005-04-12) -- With gasoline prices at the pump well over $2 per gallon, Democrats in Congress who have staunchly opposed oil drilling in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), today sought to prove they have a proactive plan for America's energy independence.

At a news conference on the steps of the Capitol, Congressional Democrats unveiled a new 7-point plan for fossil fuel freedom. The $873 billion program would create a new Department of Independence from Petroleum Suppliers to implement the following proactive measures.

* Low-income families will receive a monthly allocation of refined Alaskan caribou milk -- a cheap, plentiful alternative to gasoline.
* America will harness the energy of environmental protestors by paying them to push the cars of government officials.
* American corporations will be required to hire people from neighborhoods within three miles of their facilities to enhance "employee ambulatory commuting."
* Popular vacation spots will be required to relocate to within five miles of population density centers. For example, Disney will open virtual Magic Kingdom kiosks in thousands of convenience stores nationwide.
* All of the nation's remaining undeveloped land, abandoned lots and industrial 'brown field' sites will be designated as national parks to provide local vacation spots within walking distance for most Americans.
* The IRS will offer a Family-Compound Tax Credit to extended families which establish joint residence on the same property, thereby eliminating the need to drive to visit loved ones.
* The federal tax on a gallon of gasoline will be increased to $8.59 in order to reduce consumption and thereby increase the supply which will drive down the price per gallon.

Now, where do you think this came from? Junk Science, The New Editor, or Scrappleface?

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