Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I'm sure you've heard of the Darwin Awards

Where people end up still polluting the gene pool in spite of the stupid cr@p they pull.

Here's another worthy set of awards from the mailbag:

The Stella Awards

The Stella Awards are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot Coffee on herself while driving and successfully sued McDonald's (in
N.M) on the ground that the coffee they'd sold her was that hot. That
case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous and
successful lawsuits, in the United States.
Here are this year's winners:

5th Place (tie):
A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas,
$80,000 after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running

inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably
surprised at the verdict, being as how the misbehaving little toddler
was Ms.Robertson's son.

5th Place (tie):
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car
when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had
just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house
and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation,and

Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him
undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place :
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and
medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door
neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.

The award was less than that sought because the jury felt the
dog might have been just a little provoked the time by Mr. Williams who
had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place :
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,

Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tail bone). The beverage was on the floor because
Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.

2nd Place :

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a
nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window
to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while
Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to
avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental

expenses.

1st Place :

This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor
home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having
driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly

left the drivers seat to go into the back &make herself a
sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the
owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her
$1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their
manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other
complete morons around.

And these winners of the judicial lottery (and the jury of their peers)are most likely beneficiaries of our government school complex.
I wonder who they voted for (if they did)?

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