Please don't hate me because I'm beautiful

Rants from a $500/hr whore escort.






"Yes sailor, meloveyouforevernobushchit".

You PETArds need to call the SPCA

Or not.

I had two out of three dogs wagging their tails at me from the wrong side of the fence when I got home today. So instead of doing paperwork and taking a well needed nap, I had to try dog-proofing the paddock.

I know you'd rather come over here and "set the poor creatures free". But the reason I don't want them running around is that they're idiots.

We try to keep them in the yard because they don't know about traffic, the only cars they're familiar with let them ride inside them and only travel at walking speed.
They don't know what to do on the highway half a mile away...as the dead Bodie (cost $90 to put him out of his pain) demonstrates.

They don't know about the wild critters that look at them as prey or competition,,,not playmates.
Cows, sheep and goats are not funny looking dogs,,,and will result in getting shot.

Those are some of the reasons we try to keep these three dogs in the yard.

One of them (Meg- the terrier mix) has decided that running around on a little over an acre isn't good enough.

After digging out for the last two out of three days, I finally ...oh, and she had to stop at my work shed to clear the top shelf (and ruin a dremil, and loose parts to a plunge router)...I finally got tired of just blocking her escape paths and went electric.

I don't mean the 20VDC from the electric fence control box- that she knows how to get around- nope it's 120VAC and not interrupted. If she wants out that bad she'll remember the experience, and hopefully it'll scare the other two into staying far away from any shiny wire along the fence.



Hey, at least I stopped myself from running a neutral six inches from the hot wire,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,this time.

Beer, it does a body good

I always new that beer was better than water on a hot day.
Next time your Dr. says anything bad about how much you dronk, show them this article about hydration. (Including a really gehy pic about a Crikitteer)

Basically what they say is that beer is as good for you as water (probably better) because of the carbs and other healthy stuff.


So y'all next time you work hard feel good about rewarding yourself with a nice cool one.

Some things to remember tonite

Some things this clip forgot to tell you:
Removed because frigging DISH NETWORK Keeps telling me I'm using too much bndwidth!
Do NOT sign up for DISH NETWORK broadband- get wild blue instead.

When being chased by "Teh Ebil" ...NEVER jump into a pickup truck to escape.
It *won't* start...even if you just drove it off the showroom floor.

The nekkid girls are always killed first.

Hot blondes are right up there too.



And now that we've got those tips out of the way...


You better have some good candy for this kid:

Removed because frigging DISH NETWORK Keeps telling me I'm using too much bndwidth!
Do NOT sign up for DISH NETWORK broadband- get wild blue instead.

A little ingenuity

A little bit of common household spray-on cooking oil.

A couple R/C servos.

An ignition source...

And WALLAHHHH


A fire breathing pumpkin!

bRAiiIIINNnnzzz

And a happy end to the week-end

I hope I won't shock anyone with this NSFW pumpkin



It's not like it's a completely full page nekkid pumpkin, or anything like that.



It's just that some people just can't see the humor in anthrophomorphic pumpkin behaviour.



Clickum for pumpkin pr()n.



IF you really want to...



He IS a *happy* pumpkin flasher.

That certainly was eye catching...

I dropped off Thing-1 at work in Castroville and headed out to Hondo for the weekly grorcery shopping.
On the way I passed an oversize load and his escort on the opposit side of the HWY. I saw the amber and White flashing lights far enough ahead, but what caught my eye was the escorts color scheme- or rather lack of color. It would have caught any drivers eye even if they didn't have their lights on.

Funny how a black and white F-150 and his buddy the black and white Crown Vic will do that.

Git OFF my lawn!

The more I use VISTA the less I like it

Aside from having the Liberal nannyism EVERY TIME I try to open, close or download frigging anything---ask "Do you really want to do that"....Dave?

Yes HAL, I *really* want to download the updates the Microsquish is offering me!

NOW, all you IT and AIT, and computer geeks techsperts tell me why:

• I just started getting an error message that saysTHIS PROGRAM CANNOT DISPLAY THE WEBPAGE.....when I never went to a site that I couldn't get to
  

• HOW do I get rid of it without comletely shutting the computer down...only to have it majically reappear! It won't even tell me WHERE it tried to go.
• WHY it refuses to restore to Thursday (when I first noticed it)
• Does anyone want to buy an almost brand new HP Compaq for $350 (used about two weeks) or trade for a Mac?

I finally forund the sekrit to getting the hard-drive out of the old HP, so I can go back to XP and A LOT LESS nannyism and the way Bill Gates decided that I was too idiotic to use some of the basic functions that are INACESSABLE IN VISTA....because we don't really NEED to know any more than *they* want us to.

They won't even let me uninstall IE7 and reinstall IE6.


UPDATE --
Am I remebering things wrong, or did Win XP go from ,,,like $90 for the home edition to almost $200 when that abortion VISTA came out? I *know* they want more for XP now than they did before everyone got served with it wether they wanted it-or not.

It's not news, it's CNN

Yeah, I stole that from Fark.

Because Halloween is near and I'm all about helping, here's a piece on what to do if your house is haunted.

Which gives me a good lead in to these two vids on the Haunted Lesbian sorority.


And the girls find a Ouiji board:


UPDATE - 11PM
Karen walked away in disgust...You decide what that means.
But I'm a guy, so I think differently.

the Anti-Dixi Chicks?

Except they're not girls.

But after reading about Big and Rich, I'll even think of buying some of their CDs.

You *know* them...


But that's not all they are, try this tribute to our guys in 'Nam:


.....And I learned from this vid, that *all* rap isn't intolerable.

Thanks to Cowboy Troy.
(Who I think was the Drum Major on their first video)

UPDATE-
Not worth another post, but here's some girls and machinegun pr()n.

I have to admit that I'm surprised

Not that these bridge survivors are trying to gin up sympathy (and lots of money) for themselves.
I'm more surprised that that 9-11 payout hasn't been used as a precident more often.

Like anytime more than two people die at the same time, or that they died and the MSM covered it incessantly.

Sure it was bad, not as bad as 9-11 and I'm sure there are lots of people to sue in the bridge failure. It's not like their insurance became null and void as soon as some islamic nutjobs took control of three jets.


I was against the 9-11 payout because I saw it being used as a precident for all kinds of 'free' money to make the survivors feel better.
I was also against it for just the sake of basic fairness to everyone else who died or was sevierly injured on 9-11 that didn't get jack because they weren't in a certain location.

Ok next pumpkin

Anyone who reads SCI-FI knows about the "Bug-eyed-Monster".

It's sometimes shortened to B.E.M.
Now we have the B.E.P.


For some reason, I think he got into the photon juice befor the picture was taken....

I just want to let my Sen. Kay bailey-Hutchinson know that I am pissed off

She decided to vote FOR the latest Amnesty bill floating it's way throught the government system.

I already let her know that I'll no longer be willing to pay her salery. No matter where she decides to try for next. Yeah Kay, we don't want an amnesty supporter for Governer either!

Any of my Texas readers can let her know how you feel by sending her an e-mail.

And in all those bot-letters I got back from her telling me she'd *never* vote to reward lawbreaking. I wonder who offered her what for that vote?

Sometimes you're the windshield

Other times you're the bug.

It seems like this entire week I've been the bug........on the Interstate.
I re-tore that (ligament? Tendon?) problem the MRI couldn't find on my shoulder, and everything they gave me so far has taken longer and been more FUBARed than it should have been for the job.
I was thinking of working Sat. but I'll blow it off this week.


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Now guys, I know you'll probably have some Halloween week-end parties to go to, so out of the goodness of my heart I'll give you a quick costume idea.





....AND you can show how much you care about womens issues (yeah, ok, but play along)




With this costume you can also advancwe their preventive health by reminding them about screenings.








Or you could just be your perverted self...

I'd like some Chianti and Fava beans, please

And that's it's real color, some kind of resseive gene in Atlantic Giant pumpkins.

It's U.N. Day today kiddies

Sorry, I just noticed it on the calander.
I didn't notice if Yahoo or Google had any special GIFs to commemorate it.
What would it be?
People with bloated bellies falling over with flies buzzing aropund?
People kneeling in front of mass gaves whil the big, shiny UN SUVs are at the motel?

Better yet, to reinforce how we could spend money better.....





You notice how it matches the UN helmets so well?





I looked for that color.

How about this take on the Cali fires

I've read enough comparisons between this FIRE (which didn't give a weeks notice) and N'awlins (where the leadership was partying in Baton Rouge instead of evacuating)- and the color difference.
And the fact that they're 'rich'.

Both disasters were either brought on or made worse by Democrat/Liberal/Greenie politics.

The big difference is that those rich people who lost their property know LAWYERS.

Home today

I've felt like chit for the last two days, and now I'll either go in late or not at all.

Everyone else is gone, so I can have some 'me' time and see about doing things around the house.
Finding out what's wrong with the heater would be a good start. Hopefully it's just a bad thermostat.

Too bad I'll either have to eat today's pay or make it up on Sat.

UPDATE, STICKY POST-

I guess I'll just add to this one as I find things to babble about.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm really surprised at how low the hit count was for this search.
I thought that there would be that many just in the D.U. alone. (warning for those who've never been there, be sure to have something ready to scrub out your hard drive when you leave)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ohhh, look who'se back in the states!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10:20AM

Gawd, what an expensive day. $120 to the Vet for doggie related anti-flea armaments and $25 to the hardware store for a thermostat and weatherstripping.

I got the heat working and as a bonus, our smoke alarm is pretty sensetive.
We'd always had trouble with our programmable thermostat (on the heat side) and just as I was ready to pull it off the wall, I noticed some of the contacts the face pins were supposed to hit were low. So we now have a spare thermostat, and a blower that works at 100% (because I fixed a loose connection) and you can tell the difference, too.

I'll be stay home today and be around $250 short (because of payloss and buying cr@p)
because it wouldn't be worth the hour drive to try making it up.

I reaaly have to admit that when I saw this headline...

Katrina missteps still haunting Bush

That my first thought was: "It didn't do much good for Blanco, either."

And naturally, the AP writer Jennifer Loven makes sure you know what to think while reading her hit piece article about Federal emergency response.

he White House reacted with what has become a familiar pattern: Bush dropped a few lines of sympathy and promised assistance into an already scheduled speech. Across the administration, aides volunteered as many facts and figures as possible about the federal contribution to the disaster response, a federal emergency to speed relief funding was declared in the middle of the night, and a presidential visit to the affected area was quickly arranged.

The White House's handling of Katrina in the days before it hit the U.S. Gulf Coast in late August 2005 seemed set to follow this model. Bush and his aides issued repeated warnings to worried locals, conferred with officials in the region and promised Washington would do all it could to help.

But once the massive storm blew ashore, smashing Mississippi's coastal communities to sticks and submerging New Orleans in water, the federal response turned dismal.

Locals were left wanting for urgently needed supplies. Bush seemed disengaged from the crisis and then stumbled through initial appearances in the disaster zone aimed at correcting the impression. And some locals feel the White House's level of engagement in the Gulf Coast's continuing misery hasn't improved much in two years.

Katrina was a departure from Bush's handling of previous disasters.

No lady, FEMA handled Katrina like all the other previous disasters. There problem was that they relied on corrupt political hacks to do what competent leaders did in all the other states.

Ok, it's not a pumpkin

But I bet it would look pretty good on your front sidewalk next Wednesday.




UPDATE-- (NSFW pics)
In related ...ummmm...'big' news....
No wonder Ashton Kutcher is hanging with someone 20 years his senior.

man, lookat those num-nums.

A farmer named Clyde

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking
company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. Didn't you say, at the
scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,' asked the lawyer? Clyde responded,
"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule,
Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer
interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of
the accident, 'I'm fine!"? Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into
the trailer and I was driving down the road...." The lawyer interrupted
again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the
scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene
that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying
to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply
answer the question, yes or no.

" By this time, the Judge was fairly
interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear
what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie." Clyde thanked the
Judge and proceeded, "Well like I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie,
my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was
thrown into the other." "I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to
move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she
was in terrible shape just by her moans." "Shortly after the accident a
Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and
groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his
gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the
road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said "How are you feeling?" "Now
what the hell would you say?"

And all along, I thought they were Brits...

But they come from the OZ.

Your daily Halloween lead-up

I don't *need* to say anything more, do I?
Oh....that reminds me- Saxet Gun show this week-end at the Colosseum (on E. Houston).

I work by myself

I don't mind, but it gives time to think when I'm not driving.

I was out cutting a 300' trench for some cable and started thinking about the 'Fiddler on the roof' vid I put up yesterday, and how my favorite New Yawk Jooo liked it.

Well my mind kinda wanderd onto Jody calls, and then I wondered about the IDF.

Do they call their cadences Jooody calls?

This extereme pumpkin is *REALLY* scary

Yep.

It's the JACKO- lantern!

Another reason for Libs the little people to vote for Hillary

In light of the 'Dumping Sox' story, I'm reminded of something else that happend around that time.

Hillary for President!...she needs to restock her dinnerware!

For your religious entertainment

UPDATE---
I don't know it I ougtta let a certain Brooklyn Joooooess know that while I was watching that movie, I was slow roasting some country style BBQ pork ribs,,,should I?
Might ruin the whole Kumbia thing, ya know,,,,

Oooops, sorry

I forgot your daily extreme pumpkin last night.
So to make up for it, I'll give you a cosume idea.

A Bender costume.

And "A Christmas story" with a Halloween theme...

"You'll shoot your eye out, kid."