Ready for some good humoUred Canada bashing?

From The weekly Standard, Matt Labash writes about(aboot?) out northern neighboUr.

Vancouver, British Columbia
WHENEVER I THINK OF CANADA . . . strike that. I'm an American, therefore I tend not to think of Canada. On the rare occasion when I have considered the country that Fleet Streeters call "The Great White Waste of Time," I've regarded it, as most Americans do, as North America's attic, a mildewy recess that adds little value to the house, but serves as an excellent dead space for stashing Nazi war criminals, drawing-room socialists, and hockey goons.

Henry David Thoreau nicely summed up Americans' indifference toward our country's little buddy when he wrote, "I fear that I have not got much to say about Canada. . . . What I got by going to Canada was a cold." For the most part, Canadians occupy little disk space on our collective hard drive. Not for nothing did MTV have a game show that made contestants identify washed-up celebrities under the category "Dead or Canadian?
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Equal outrage was caused when Conan O'Brien showed up to help boost tourism after the SARS crisis. Along for the ride came a Conan staple, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who in dog-on-the-street interviews relentlessly mocked French Canadians. When one pudgy Quebecer admitted he was a separatist, Triumph suggested he might want to "separate himself from doughnuts for a while."

Canadians seethed--though polls show they pride themselves on being much funnier than Americans (don't ask me why, when they're responsible for Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, and Alan Thicke). One MP from the socialist New Democratic party called the show "vile and vicious," and said it was tantamount to hatemongering. Historians believe this to be the first time a member of parliament has so categorically denounced a hand puppet.
WITH THE REELECTION OF BUSH, however, this poor man's Cold War may be swinging Canada's way. Trend-spotters on both sides of the 49th Parallel have taken note of "the Bush refugee," the American progressive who has decided to flee to Canada after growing heartsick at the soul-crushing death knell of liberalism that pundits declared after the president's two-point victory.

A cottage industry was born. Anti-American/pro-Canadian blogs proliferated, as blogs unfortunately do. Websites like canadianalternative.com are open for business, trying to entice emotionally vulnerable Americans to turn their backs on family, friends, and country with boasts that Canada has signed the Kyoto protocol, legalized gay marriage in six provinces, and seen its Senate recommend legalizing marijuana. Vancouver immigration lawyer Rudi Kischer took a whole team, complete with realtors
and money-managers, to recruit in American cities, helping potential defectors overcome immigration concerns, such as how to pass Canada's elitist skilled-worker test for entry (Give us your affluent, your overeducated, your Unitarian masses yearning for socialized medicine).

Dejected Americans, most of whom already live in progressive enclaves, began sounding off to reporters, vowing to check out of the Red-American wasteland before true misfortune befell them. In footage of a Kischer seminar in San Francisco that I obtained from a Canadian documentary film crew (working title of the piece: "Escaping America"), one attendee who looked like a lost Gabor sister but with more plastic surgery said, "I really can't stand George Bush. I can't stand this culture, which is very selfish, aggressive, and mean, violent I think." After going to Canada for just a half an hour from Buffalo, she concluded, "It was like a completely different country. . . . The people seemed more internationally aware, not so isolated and unilateral. There was less evidence of commercialism and corporations. People were friendly."
<, , ,he went to Canada>
To see Canadian progressivism in action, though, I trekked down to the East Side, Vancouver's Compton, where the storefront Supervised Injection Site caters to junkies on the government teat. With the surrounding streets hosting an open-air drug market, the Site was conceived as a way to rid the neighborhood of discarded drug paraphernalia and promote "safe" drug-taking practices. In typical Canadian fashion, it's a long way around the barn to get rid of litter.

If the Site has in fact encouraged addicts to do their drugs off the streets, they still buy them right outside. To reach the place, I have to pass through a herd of about 100 junkies over a four-block radius. They offer to sell me all manner of substances my company won't let me expense. When I make it inside the Site, along with several itchy, twitchy customers in search of free cookers and needles and a clean booth to shoot themselves silly, an attendant tells me that unless I'm there to take drugs, I can't stay without a media relations escort. "What we do here is important, so we try to keep a low profile," he says, perhaps oblivious to the hypodermic needle that's embossed on the door.
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RUDI KISCHER, the immigration lawyer who went trolling for clients south of the border, has probably done more than any single person besides George Bush to induce Americans to become former Americans. At the top of a high-rise building overlooking Coal Harbor, where seaplanes land in steady succession, Kischer invites me into his office. He is tall, with the bland good looks of a soap-opera extra. By way of an ice-breaker, I tell him I flunked the skilled-worker test, and so became a journalist. He says not to worry. Up until a few years ago, lawyers were completely banned from immigrating, the first fact I've heard that recommends his country.

While numbers are hard to come by, it is generally thought that some thousands of Americans are poised to change countries, making them the largest influx Canada has seen since our draft dodgers came this way during Vietnam--much less since Brit-loving Loyalists were shown the door to what was then New France by American revolutionaries. Whether or not this is true, Kischer has plenty of horror stories from interested clients: concerned parents who are moving so their children won't be drafted into Bush's war machine, the rich guy who lives on a yacht and would rather pay exorbitant Canadian taxes than bear the shame of flashing his imperialist American passport when sailing into foreign ports.
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MY FIRST INTERVIEW with an American comes not in Canada, but in Bellingham, Washington, about 90 minutes from Vancouver. I drive south and clear the Peace Arch border faster than I could a McDonald's drive-thru line (note to Homeland Security), and meet up with Christopher Key in his middle-class rambler with a for-sale sign in the yard. Key is still a patriot, but he hopes to soon be an expatriate. He's descended from "Star Spangled Banner"-writer Francis Scott Key, who he admits "wasn't much of a poet."

He has become a minor celebrity of sorts, profiled by everyone from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation to the New York Times (whose reporter flies in the day after me). The silver-haired Key looks like a Chamber of Commerce burgher. He likes to point out he's not some stereotypical longhair, having just left his editor's gig at a failing business magazine. He's had several other career incarnations too: everything from art gallery owner to charter-boat skipper.

But Key's weirdest job was in the military, when he served in Vietnam. "They called it 'press liaison,' I think, but I was a news censor," he says. As a wet-behind-the-ears 19-year-old, he was supposed to tell media bigshots like Ed Bradley what they could and could not cover. They all ignored him. "My take," he says, "is that while I had an odious job, I managed to do it very poorly."
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Where Canada fails is no big secret. Most of us know that its universal health care is a great thing, if you don't mind waiting, say, nine months for an MRI on your spinal cord injury. We all know Canadians are overregulated, to the point that Canadian rocker Bryan Adams was denied "Canadian content status" for cowriting an album with a British producer, limiting the play his songs could receive on the radio (a policy that's supposed to encourage Canadian talent, but that in Adams's words "encourage[s] mediocrity. People don't have to compete in the real world. . . . F--ing absurd").

We all know the Canadian military has become a shadow of itself. Things have gotten so dire that a Queen's University study (titled "Canada Without Armed Forces?") predicted the imminent extinction of the air force. This unpreparedness has become such a joke that Ferguson says their military ranks just above Tonga's, which consists of nothing more than "a tape-recorded message yelling 'I surrender!' in thirty-two languages."

What many don't consider is how much Canada has oversold itself in the areas where it purportedly does succeed. While it's true that the government has been much friendlier than ours to gay marriage, only 39 percent of Canadians decidedly support it. While Canada is supposedly more environment-friendly, it has been cited for producing more waste per person than any other country. While Canada is supposedly safer, a 1996 study showed its banks had the highest stick-up rate of any industrialized nation (one in every six was robbed). And while a great deal is made of Americans' passion for firearms, the Edmonton Sun, citing Statistics Canada, reported that Canada has a higher crime rate than we do.

Canadians are supposedly less greedy than Americans, yet they lead the world in telemarketing fraud, and most of their victims are Americans. Are they more generous? Not by a long shot. The Vancouver-based Fraser Institute publishes a Generosity Index, which shows that more Americans give to charity, and give more when they do.

Is the Canadian "mosaic" more successful than the American "melting pot," a distinction they constantly make? You be the judge. Imagine every decade or so America's Spanish-speaking southwesterners holding a referendum over whether to secede. It's happened twice since 1980 among the Francophones of Quebec, and some say it's going to happen again. While America has figurative language police on its college campuses, Quebec has literal ones--"tongue troopers," the locals call them--who ruthlessly enforce absurd language laws requiring, for example, that restaurant trash cans feature the word "push" on their lids in French instead of English.

Apart from the Anglo/Franco teeter-totter that Canada can't ever seem to get off, are Canadians less racist, as many of them claim? Well, like America, they saw both slavery and segregation. If Canadians today are less racist, someone ought to tell their aboriginal peoples, who've spent centuries getting their land annexed and being generally mistreated (as of 2000 in Nova Scotia, there was still a law on the books offering hunters a bounty for Indian scalps).

Recent polling shows 35 percent of Canada's "visible minorities" (such as blacks and Asians) have experienced discrimination in the last five years. Another poll showed 54 percent of Canadians believe anti-Semitism is a serious problem in Canadian society today. It certainly was yesterday. Around World War II, a few Jews did manage to squeak in--despite the policy summed up by Canada's director of immigration as "None is too many." Will Ferguson points out that more Nazi war criminals are thought to have found sanctuary in Canada than refugees fleeing the Holocaust.

I'll let you enjoy the rest, but leave you with a good potsmoking expat hippy quote-which is true!

"America is built on people leaving places. We're a country of people who've left. Constitutionally, the pursuit of happiness is something we not only honor, but something we legally protect. This ain't Russia. I don't have to stay. This ain't Cuba. I can leave.

"In fact, find me one American who would make me stay and fight. They'd say no, go, do what's right for you. I found happiness here. I'll be in BC the rest of my life. I pray to God that I don't die somewhere else, that I'm not vacationing somewhere when I die, because that would bum me out. . . .

"Pursue your happiness. We were the first country to do it. And we live for that, the fact that people have personal rights. Go where you want. Do what you want. The fact that I chose Canada is almost a bigger embodiment of the American dream. . . . I still love America."

"So you're saying being unpatriotic is an act of patriotism?" I counter, though my heart is no longer in it

Sounds like I'm not the only one selling something on E-bay

If you enjoy a sarcastic rant, you have to read this sale on ebay.
Be sure to read all the way down to the questions and answers.

After you'ver seen that sale see the SCRABBLE set he's selling. Be sure to read the Q&A too.


Thanks to Kim du Toit

I finally got me a troll!

Too bad it was an e-mail for the car on E-bay:


Dear kangroo78656,

why is your reserve met at 800. and you are trying to get 1500.you sound like an ass!!!

So I had to tell him that the reserve price was the least I wanted(actually it was $500), and this is an E-bay AUCTION the $1500 was the buy-it-now price for the two that were going the low road in my mailbox.
What a moron.

I'm ex Navy, but this is pretty good
A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated the four service men failed to see an oncoming truck. They were run over by the truck and killed instantly.

Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, "Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?" Saint Peter replied, "I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."

Some time later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. The four servicemen asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen.

MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE:

TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines

SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best

1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces
are honorable and noble.
2. Each serves America well and with distinction.
3. Serving in the United States military represents a
great honor warranting special respect, tribute,
and dedication from your fellow man.
4. Always be proud of that.

Sincerely, GOD, U.S.A.F. (Retired)

And in another circus on the Fla coast,
Via Schnitt
Is the Tonya Harding, , , ummmm, , , " sports" event.

She's going to 'box on a wrestling card' against a tranny (kof)

(snicker)

FORT LAUDERDALE -- Sure, I was in a beachside bar Tuesday afternoon, standing with Tonya Harding and a transvestite stage-named Daisy D., asking questions, taking notes and wondering whether I would roast in sports-writing hell for showing up.

But what of it?

I've hung out with some low people, frequented some questionable places, involved myself in some tangled conversations and been around some strange, strange sports events. And that was just in covering the 2004 Dolphins.

So how could I pass up a chance to be around the lowest, most questionable, certifiably strangest event you'll ever -- alas, perhaps never -- see? Tonya vs. the Transvestite. It's a pseudo-boxing match scheduled for Thursday night at Beach Bums on Fort Lauderdale beach.

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Well, that's why I'm here. But let's move to the main event. Let's talk with Tonya. All of her. And, just for the record, yes, that really is her. I had to ask. There's no sense being mean about it. Let's just say she's really grown as a person.

"When I was a figure skater I had to have a figure like a pixie," she said. "Now I have the figure of a boxer."

What is it about Tonya that makes enough people curious, more than a decade after her Olympic embarrassment? Is it our reality-show society? Is it people rubber-necking at a car wreck? Is it the last time everyone saw her was in Norway, in the winter of 1994, when she slid across the ice, feet first, to end one of the highest-rated embarrassments in sports history?

They have a pic if you're interested.

SEXY ALLIGATOR

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts
the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this
alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator
will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and
I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this
spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
and dropped his trousers, placing his privates in the alligator's
mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a
minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator
hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the
man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone
$100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the
back of the bar.

A blonde girl timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise
not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle so hard."

We're selling the little Corvette on E-bay

And I didn't put a Buy-It-Now price on it because I want the highest price I can wring out of it.
I got three people asking about buying it behind E-bay. I told them to bid on the thing.

Here's one copied e-mail that makes this blog look relativly good.

Dear kangroo78656,

ill give u a grand for it couse i need a car for collage thanks let me know

Ahhh, the future leadership of our country.

(and no-it's not really a Corvette, it's a Cavalier)

Mike Walker (National Enquirerer) sends Danny off with a bang

Over on NRO they have a Q&A about Danny Boy. I hate to write about him, but it's relief that I won't be force fed the Rather tireing stuff anymore.

Mike Walker, who describes Rather’s enthusiastic loyalty to those damn National Guard documents as “hotter than a rooster on Viagra,” answered some questions from NRO Editor Kathryn Jean Lopez to commemorate Dan Rather’s step down from the CBS anchor chair today.

National Review Online: Was “Memogate” a fluke in Dan Rather’s career? Or could a keen observer have seen it coming?

Walker: Even a not-so-keen observer could have seen it coming. When Dan was a fledgling White House reporter, it was noted in the book The Boys On the Bus that “Rather would go with an item even if he didn’t have it completely nailed down with verifiable facts. If a rumor sounded solid to him…he would let it rip. The other White House reporters hated Rather for this.” Like the time he reported, erroneously that J. Edgar Hoover had stepped down as FBI director. Not long after that gaffe, he again reported that Hoover had decamped. Again he was wrong. He was obsessed with the conviction, again erroneously, that deceased CIA director William Casey was still alive and hidden away somewhere. He spewed the f-word on camera at a TV reporter who angered him. And he admitted to persuading a Houston police officer to inject him with heroin — in the belief it would make him a better reporter. The first time CBS considered firing him was when he insulted President Nixon on national TV. He followed that with his outrageous on-air badgering of then-Vice President George H. W. Bush.
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NRO: What lessons could the CBS news division learn from The National Enquirer?

Walker: Stop ignoring the most basic rules of journalism. Don’t try to authenticate copies of documents. It’s impossible. You need originals. And stop dealing with transparent wackos who have axes to grind — a la that loopy Texas Bush-hater and Texas Air National Guard malcontent. Above all, when a source tells you he had documents from a guy, call the guy and ask him if that’s true. A high-school journalist wouldn’t be suckered by your phony story.
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NRO: You recount a weird incident at a presidential press conference in 1974. What the heck was Rather up to with Nixon that day? And how did he manage not to get fired?

Walker: President Nixon had just recognized an ABC reporter at a 1974 press conference, but the guy barely got his mouth open before Rather butted in and boomed: “Thank you, Mr. President. Dan Rather of CBS News. Mr. President … with respect.” Reporters booed Rather’s brazen interruption. Nixon said jokingly, “Are you running for something?” Snapped Rather, “No, Mr. President, are you?” The crowd gasped. Rather’s crack was beyond rude, it was downright pugnacious, disrespectful, and flat-out dumb. No one knows what was percolating through Dan’s lizard brain that fateful day, but after their White House correspondent sassed the president, CBS execs asked, “Should we fire the SOB?” NBC’s Tom Brokaw claims CBS considered hiring him to replace Rather. But Dan survived. He was all CBS had to replace Walter Cronkite.



Read more

If we didn't have enough to worry about with "Global Warming"

Now, somewhere, sometime a 'Super' volcano will freeze us out.

And now the bad news: There's not much anyone can do about it.

The eruption of a super volcano "sooner or later" will chill the planet and threaten human civilization, British scientists warned Tuesday.

Several volcanoes around the world are capable of gigantic eruptions unlike anything witnessed in recorded history, based on geologic evidence of past events, the scientists said. Such eruptions would dwarf those of Mount St. Helens, Krakatoa, Pinatubo and anything else going back dozens of millennia.

"Super eruptions are up to hundreds of times larger than these," said Stephen Self of Britain's Open University.

"An area the size of North America can be devastated, and pronounced deterioration of global climate would be expected for a few years following the eruption," Self said. "They could result in the devastation of world agriculture, severe disruption of food supplies, and mass starvation. These effects could be sufficiently severe to threaten the fabric of civilization."

Well, on the other hand, maybe it'll cancel out

GLOBAL WARMING!

(but aren't they kinda backing off and calling it 'climate change?)

Twenty-six reasons why men have 2 dogs and not 2 wives

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
6. A dog's parents never visit.
7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
10. Dogs seldom out live you.
11. Dogs can't talk.
12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad.
They just think it's interesting.
21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.
25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or
Neiman-Marcus.
And, last but not least:
26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

SCIENCE

Finally the pictures of the shredded car of the Commie reporter(hostage terrorist film editor-whatever)

Captains Quarters Blog has pics from the Italian source.

Personally I've seen cars in worse shape driving around in San Antonio.

(Sorry about the lack of posting, wife and 14 yr-old were playing a word game- education first)

I'm listening to Fox News this morning, and I'll make a prediction
I'm sure others have made the same one, but I haven't heard of it. I predict that the 'peacefull' HAMAS lead unity tour will end in loss of life, or people wounded anyway.
These people are terrorists, they can't use any kind of presuasion exept coercion of some kind.

AND gee, Martha is on TV again- it's like they're trying to convince me that she's worth something to me, or is somehow newsworthy.

Yet another Arcticle about the Ozone hole, exept now it's over Britain

This time they're using an old Soviet spyplane, guess satellites just aren't giving them the info they want?

Read all about the new EUro-hole here.

Ok, it's a nautical Monday

Thanks to Drudge, we have a stranding of a Dolphin Pod because (maybe) a US Sub was holding exercises 45 MILES away.

I'm glad those concerned 'scientists' are so knowlegable about marine mamals:
Some scientists surmise that loud bursts of sonar, which can be heard for miles in the water, may disorient or scare marine mammals, causing them to surface too quickly and suffer the equivalent of what divers know as the bends — when sudden decompression forms nitrogen bubbles in tissue.

Obviously, dolphins stop in stages to prevent "the BENDS" just like human divers who use COMPRESSED air to breath underwater. Well, if they'r not scared from loud noises from evil US subs that is . . . Unlike you know eco-friendly Russian and Chinese subs.

If cybersex was like the real world


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner. It's smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing you hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties!

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking!

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...in your... you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!

Sweetheart: Bye!!!

I don't have dogs,

I have two critters that look like dogs. One is a great fat white Hefalump. The other is part Gopher and part Beaver. She's gnawed a Crepe Myrtle down to the stump and is working on a new boxwood. I just got done extending the electric fence past her NEW escape rout when I saw the Boxwood.

I'll probably post their pics on my new blog.
I'll have more "stuff" on my new blog, just don't want to add to this one, as I'll not be using it much longer.

New names being thought of:
Herding cats
Oh gawd, now what?
Half a bubble off

Comments gratfully accepted.

So, the wife was talking to the Old Sod, and 'Global Warming' came up


It reminded me of yesterdays post about the Ozone layer disapearing (or not).

Over acroos the water, they have the "BeeB" and they believe in global warming. She said over here most Americans don't; It's my opinion that we actually look at other sources for the facts.
Another article I found last night (can't remember where to link) was from the Brits themselves.

The article (Arcticle?) basicly said that -yes there have been periods of global warming BEFORE *man* even DISCOVERED fire!

Antarctic ice shelf retreats happened before

No: 4/2005 23 Feb 2005

The retreat of Antarctic ice shelves is not new according to research published this week (24 Feb) in the journal Geology by scientists from Universities of Durham, Edinburgh and British Antarctic Survey (BAS).

A study of George VI Ice Shelf on the Antarctic Peninsula is the first to show that this currently ‘healthy’ ice shelf experienced an extensive retreat about 9500 years ago, more than anything seen in recent years. The retreat coincided with a shift in ocean currents that occurred after a long period of warmth. Whilst rising air temperatures are believed to be the primary cause of recent dramatic disintegration of ice shelves like Larsen B, the new study suggests that the ocean may play a more significant role in destroying them than previously thought.

Damn those Cro-Magnon SUVs

Buried farther down in the Arcticle is this little gem:

In 2001 the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPPC) predicted future sea level rise on the assumption that the Antarctic ice sheet would not make a significant contribution over the next one hundred years. Recent data from the Pine Island and Thwaites glaciers in Antarctica suggest that this area is making a contribution, but whether this is a short-term fluctuation, or a result of recent or ancient climate change, is an open question. Our ability to predict the future of this part of the West Antarctic ice sheet is limited and basic information such as the ice sheet thickness, conditions beneath the ice at bedrock, and past ice sheet history are required to build numerical models that will allow robust prediction.

Update 6:00PM: Another article on 'global warming'.

Surprizingly enough, this came from a Brit paper

ONE OF MY favourite cinematic moments is the scene in Monty Python’s Life of Brian when Reg, aka John Cleese, the leader of the People’s Front of Judea, is trying to whip up anti-Roman sentiment among his team of slightly hesitant commandos.

“What have the Romans ever done for us?” he asks.

“Well, there’s the aqueduct,” somebody says, thoughtfully. “The sanitation,” says another. “Public order,” offers a third. Reg reluctantly acknowledges that there may have been a couple of benefits. But then steadily, and with increasing enthusiasm, his men reel off a litany of the good things the Romans have wrought with their occupation of the Holy Land.

Heh

And

I can’t help but think of that scene as I watch the contortions of the anti-American hordes in Britain, Europe and even in the US itself in response to the remarkable events that are unfolding in the real Middle East today.

Little more than three years after US forces, backed by their faithful British allies (and all of our allies) , set foot in Afghanistan, the entire historical dynamic of this blighted region has already shifted.

Ignoring, fortunately, the assault from clever world opinion on America’s motives, its credibility and its ambitions, the Bush Administration set out not only to eliminate immediate threats but also to remake the Middle East. In the last month, the pace of progress has accelerated, and from Beirut to Kabul.

Then

But something very important is happening now, something that will be very hard to stop. And, although not all of it can be directly attributed to the US strategy in the region, can anyone seriously argue that it would have happened without it? Neither is it true, as some have tried to argue, that all of this is merely some unintended consequence of an immoral and misconceived war in Iraq.

It was always the express goal of the Bush Administration to change the regime in Baghdad, precisely because of the opportunities for democracy it would open up in the rest of the Arab world. George Bush understands the simple but historically demonstrable thesis that freedom is not only the most basic of human rights, but also the best way to ensure that nations do not go to war with each other

But where is the kant- "bush lied" "No WMDS"?

OHH, a Euroweinie that likes what we did.

That's odd, I was lead to believe that Arctic Ozone holes were the direct result of Humans?

I guess someone's not quite telling the entire truth:

Nitrogen oxides generated by solar particles are bad news for ozone.
A stream of particles from the Sun, in combination with extreme weather conditions, caused an unprecedented thinning last year of the upper Arctic ozone layer.

Scientists have been puzzled by the chemical processes that destroyed up to 60% of ozone molecules in the lower mesosphere and upper stratosphere (the atmospheric layers that lie 30 to 40 kilometres above ground) in the first months of 2004. Reactions with chlorofluorocarbons (CFC), the compounds responsible for ozone depletion in the lower stratosphere, could not explain the decline in higher layers.


The article also goes on to say:
"Ozone is a form of oxygen that shields the Earth from dangerous ultraviolet radiation from space. Ozone holes were first detected in the 1980s above the South Pole. Soon afterwards, CFCs were phased out under the 1987 Montreal Protocol. Ozone holes do still occur regularly in the Antarctic, but at high northern latitudes they are observed only in particularly cold winters."


So now we can start wondering, was there an Ozone hole BEFORE we had satelites to measure the Ozone layer?

WHat did the know, and when did they know it?

I'm listening to Fox news, and thinking about 2 Supreme Court rulings

First is the ban on minors on Death Row.

Ok this guy kills someone when he's 16 or 17 (tourtures them to death, burns them to death, throws them off an overpass, whatever). The new law seems to say he wasn't able to realize the conequences- didn't know it was wrong.
OK, in that vein we should ban minors from driving, holding part time jobs, anything that holds the SLIGHTEST hint of responibility.
Sorry emancipated minors, can't enter into any housing contracts, or join the military.
Update- I just looked at Drudge when I read this, ironic, isn't it?


Then the 10 Commandments-again

Can someone SHOW me where in the Constitution it SAYS the 'Seperation of Church and state'?
There is a link on my sidebar directly to the ACTUAL Constitution, all I can find is that "Congress shall make no laws establishing"a State religion or forcing you to join. The ACLU should be willing to step up- They've been using the Federalist papers instead of the Constitution to show what was "Supposed" to be in there.

If a religious group has a problem with just the Christian version, we'll be glad to let you add your version. You do have something like that, right? The Jews follow the Old Testement, so they remember Moses comming down from the mountain, too.
Moslems? The 'Religion of Peace' HAS to have something like that. I'm sure they'd love to have their core beliefes out in the open for all to see.

Anyone hear about what's going on in Kuwait?

Last you probably heard was when we first re-invaded Iraq, where most of the "pol responders" backed Sadaam.
Things are changing there, things that should be going on in other places(like here).

These MOSLEMS who intimatly know ISLAM are taking on terrorism head on, and with the goal of WINNING.

Ok, they had a rough start:
IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS, Kuwait has been waging its own war on terror at home. The police have engaged in five fierce and bloody gun battles with extremists since January 10, as reported by the Associated Press. Five policemen have been killed in these encounters, along with four security men and two bystanders; foreign observers described police conduct as "ham-handed." But the police also managed to kill 9 suspected terrorists and arrest more than 40.

But they learned fast:

Jolted by this first serious clash with Islamist terrorists, Kuwaiti authorities acted swiftly to tackle the root of the problem: They are closing down unlicensed mosques and barring Saudi imams, the tireless purveyors of Islamist extremism, from preaching inside the emirate. In addition, the AP confirms that Kuwaiti authorities are blocking Islamic websites that incite violence, seizing radical books from mosques, and purging textbooks of extremism.

Expressing the nub of the new policy, former Kuwaiti oil minister Ali al-Baghli wrote in the Kuwait daily Al Qabas on February 2: "What is needed is to cut off the snake's head, namely the masters of terror and all those who propagate terror in mosques and the media."

More. . .

Which goes to prove that SOME Muslems understand that terrorism is just terrorism.

Looks like I'll be doing alot of lurking for the next few days

After this rain we've had, we'll be off (exept for signing in) the next two days.
I talked to my new boss, and he'll let me do some part time stuff in Castroville Thurs. and Fri. for well- orientation- you could say; paperwork, gas and electric systems problem areas, meeting my kids, uniforms, , ,

We get off at 4- I think, and it's a looong drive back thru San Antonio to Maxwell.
I'll be tired, and just keeping up on my favorite blogs.

My wife just forwarded an e-mail- asking if it was true?

And unfortunatly, I'd have to say if it's not completely true it is in the most part.



Subject: Social Security

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU ARE REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT!

KEEP IT GOING!!!!

2008 Election Issue!!

GET A BILL STARTED TO PLACE ALL POLITICIANS ON SOC. SEC.
This must be an issue in "2008 ". Please! Keep it going.

----------------------------------
SOCIAL SECURITY:
(This is worth reading. It is short and to the point.)

Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years.
Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.
You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan .
In more recent years, no congressperson has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.
For all practical purposes their plan works like this:
When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die.
Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments..
This is calculated on an average life span for each of those two Dignitaries. For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7,800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275,000.00 during the last years of their lives.
Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.
Their cost for this excellent plan is $0.00. NADA....ZILCH....
This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds;
"OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK"!
>From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into,-every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer)-we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.
Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator! Bill Bradley's benefits!
Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made.

That change would be to:
Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us
then sit back.....
and watch how fast they would fix it.
If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of awareness will be planted and maybe good changes will evolve.
How many people can YOU send this to? Better yet.....
How many people WILL you send this to??

Happy Birthday Sam !

Thank you for the link, Joe!

And El Capitan,
And Elliot,
We can't forget the Texas Navy at Zippos.

Look, pobong wants to HELP me :-)
From: pobong1@netscape.net Save Address
Date: Tue, 01 Mar 2005 08:09:33 -0500
Subject: CAN I INVEST IN YOUR COUNTRY NOW?
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
FROM HIS ROYAL MAJESTY
(HRM)CROWN RULER OF ELEME KINGDOM
CHIEF DANIEL ELEME, PHD -(UMMm Piled High and Deep?)
EZE 1 OF ELEME.
PRIVATE E-MAIL ADDRESS: pobong2005@yahoo.co.uk

ATTN:

This letter might surprise you because we have met
neither in person nor by correspondence. But I
believe it is one day that you got to know somebody
either in physical or through correspondence.

I got your contact through discreet inquiry from
the chambers of commerce and industry of your
country on the net, you and your organization were
revealed as being quite astute in private
entrepreneurship, one has no doubt in your ability
to handle a financial business transaction.

I can't wait- he wants to GIVE me $16 MILLION ! ! !

The move is proceeding apace

Talked to a property management guy yesterday, at a conservative guess we'll look at about $550/mo before their cut (that was before I found out we could leave the Fridge, washer and dryer).

Made an offer in a doublewide on about an acre of land- no down. Might be a slight problem with the FHA loan- I gad a kinda choppy work history what with injuries and the race problem ( I was the wrong color, and didn't habla enough Mexican)that it's going to be tight about the approval. The new job is supposed to FAX a letter of a job offer including my new salary, and that should erase ANY past questions. Problem is, the boss is short handed, and is running late in his corespondance.

The earliest the house will probably close is about a month- I gave my 2 weeks notice Mon. That's going to be an AWFUL long commute from San Marcos to Castroville twice a day for two weeks, on top of trenching gas lines and climbing poles.

SIIIGGGggghhh , , , the life of an evil rich conservative.

The new unemployment numbers are in, and why aren't the Dems screaming?

I mean it's at frigging 12.6%, where is the outrage?

OHHH, no wonder that number came from Germany, the modern socialists working model.
They really ought to be happy now- last time it was that bad there was another socialist party up and comming.
The National Socialist Party. Had the same love of Jews as (it seems) the growing public opinion. I bet their new 'untermenchen' would gladly help with the Jewish question.

Here's something I like to put in one end of most of my ropes

I like to use a Maidens Eye or Flemish Eye, but the only Flemish eye I could find was for wire rope using a swedge fitting, so this Eye Splice will have to do.