I don't know who or how, but someone got the first copy Brandon's letter to Trump-
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON
January 1, 2025
(Dictated but not read)
Are you recording this? I said are you recording this, dammit. You're not very good at this, are you? I'm only going to said this once
Dear Donald,
My name is Jill Biden and Dr. Joe Biden is my wife. You must be pretty pleased with yourself, you son of a bitch. The only reason you won this election is because I didn't [indecipherable]. Why do you think I chose President Kabbalah Haggis to be, excuse me, vice president on the ticket? Because she can't do it, Jack. You should be thanking me. If it weren't for that conniving cu—, well, I shouldn't say it, Nancy Pelosi and her monstrous jugs. What gives her the right? Like a couple of bowling balls in tube socks. Can you even—I'm not being rude. It's just the truth.
Anyway, Camelot is one of the dumbest broads you'll ever meet, and I mean that literally. I've met some real dingbats over the years. Jane Fonda, Sally Jessy Raphael, Strom Thurmond's second wife, what's her name. All of Hunter's girlfriends. No one wanted Comma to run, but I endorsed her anyway to send a message. Barack, that slick bastard with his college words and jazz cigarettes, thought he could waltz in and take all the credit. I could still take him, easy. I'd have more money than him, too, if Hunter wasn't such a fuckup. Chinese diamonds, my ass.
Anyway, they said I wasn't compliment to serve. What a load of—I can still make love to my wife like a 25-year-old. Standing up, kneeling down, in the bath tub, on the Resolute Desk, you name it. I'd like to see him try, Barack. He can barely throw a baseball. No one ever talks about it, but have you seen how fat Michelle has gotten lately? Unlucky, as the Irish say. Of course he was jealous of my legacy. Most transformative since FDR. The polls said I was going to win. So did Joe Scarborough and his Polack mistress. Did they really think prancing Tim Walz was more manly than Joe Biden? I killed a German Shepherd with my bare hands and a cast iron skillet. The press covered it up because they're cowards.
Anyway, congratulations. You're about to inherit [indecipherable] in the history of the United States. We ended the oil embargo and the trucker's strike. Thanks to me, Brezhnev is on the ropes, Osama bin Laden is on the run, and Saddam has never been weaker. They said it could never be done, but NATO is part of Finland now. We cured cancer, and finally beat Medicare once and for all. The situation in Afghanistan should be monitored closely. I would strongly urge you to consider a timely and orderly withdrawal of American troops from the country so the Afghan people may finally achieve their dream of a peaceful democracy that respects the rights of women.
Anyway, I think what I will miss most about the White House is all the kind strangers telling me which doors to go in and out of at a given time. I tried to go for a walk in the Amazon rainforest the other day. Very confusing, on account of the absence of doors and lack of instructions about where to go. Speaking of South America, I've never been a big drug guy, but I must say I've grown rather fond of the stuff they've been shooting me up with these past few years before public appearances. Maybe they'll give you the same treatment. Now, if you'll excuse me, Jake Sullivan is here. We're going to play our little game where he chases me around the house before nap time. Gotta go!
Yours cordially,
Joseph R. Biden
P.S. Did you know that when you're president they let you pardon literally anyone and there's nothing anyone can do to stop you? I didn't believe it at first, but it's true. Stop it, Jake, that tickles!
(Dictated but not read)
