Ok, I'll tell on myself

The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my
wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"

Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am,
drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three
times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock.
She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought! Then she told
me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said, "Well, last night it
cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh fuck,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,
cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more....
then farted."

----------Ok, nothing struck me as rantable tonight ---------------